so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
