did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
