how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
