im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
