Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
