just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
