Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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