I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
