I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
