Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
