he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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