my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
