She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
whose parrot is this?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
