Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
