Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
