There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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