After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
cat food counts as protein by the way
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
