I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
