This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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