I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
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i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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