Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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