i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
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like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
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He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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