dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
