i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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