So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
There's always time for handjobs
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
