So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
