maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
