haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wish you could order shots online.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
