I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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