I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
