He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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