Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
