When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
