I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
