I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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