Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize