Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
