You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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