I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
