Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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