i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
