I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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