I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
