Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
