i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
