yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
