I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
