you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
