We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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