Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
