So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
only you would photoshop your dick
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
