this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
is it fun? or sober?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
