Will you blow on my dice?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
