It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
