Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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