we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
