this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
