Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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