NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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