By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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