we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
