Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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