dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
