how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
