Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
