Apparently you make a good broom.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He did a backflip because drugs
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