don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
