you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
