The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
