I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
