we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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